Almost Famous

Boston is the birthplace of America. But hosting the Olympics will finally put it on the map.

Boston is the birthplace of America. But hosting the Olympics will finally put it on the map.

The U.S. Olympic Committee has just anointed Boston (Mass. that is) as the chosen one for the 2024 Olympics. But not everyone is breaking out the champagne. Organized groups, such as No Boston Olympics, are rallying the public to oppose the effort. (They argue Boston’s resources are better spent elsewhere among other silly reasons.) Olympic boosters, like Boston2024, are citing improved infrastructure, jobs, excitement, visibility and finally the chance to showcase Boston as a world class city. Shiny new Olympic venues, sexy young athletes, millions of sports tourists from all over the universe, sponsorships and ratings bonanzas will finally elevate the city to superstar status. Despite being the birthplace of America, Boston needs more recognition for goodness’ sake! Here’s why the city should be offered up for the extravaganza:

  • the Big Dig wasn’t disruptive enough
  • the Tsarnaev trial isn’t getting any attention
  • Boston’s research hospitals haven’t done anything worth talking about
  • people think the Tea Party only refers to extreme Republicans
  • no one’s ever heard of the Boston Red Sox
  • Whitey Bulger’s a nobody
  • Hollywood doesn’t like us
  • many think that Paul Revere is a Youtuber
  • the 119-year old Boston Marathon doesn’t attract enough world class athletes and hardly gets any publicity. (The BAA could sure use a PR firm!)
  • there are no problems here. Our leaders and officials can be distracted by bidding, planning, executing and cleaning up the Olympics for the next decade.
  • traffic flows easily through the city at all times — especially on Fridays in the summer
  • merchants, vendors, homeless people, and others will easily find another locations if they’re displaced
  • businesses in the city (especially start-ups!) have all the time in the world to arrange telecommuting for employees and figure out parking before, during and after the events
  • culture vultures can go elsewhere in summer 2024 (Destinations, like the Museum of Fine Arts, won’t mind having their tourist base scared off by Olympic crowds.)
  • the theme song from “Cheers” doesn’t ring any bells these days
  • New Kids on the Block broke up too soon
  • Boston Cream pie is a horrible dessert.

And last, but not least– it’s a wicked good idea!

So please, please, please, International Olympic Committee, pick the USA to host this monumental event! The cradle of American liberty will finally get the recognition it so desperately deserves. Note: The original version of this article appears in The Huffington Post.